BACK SLANG

Back Slang is a secret language which butchers use. I am nervous about writing about Back Slang on the Internet, as butchers are men and women of honour and I'm sure they would consider it notably dishonourable of me to reveal their secret language TO THE WORLD. I am still going to, though, because Back Slang is so much fun!

When speaking Back Slang, one simply reverses the letters of the word one wishes to use and then pronounces the word phonetically. Sometimes it doesn't quite work, for example "cunt" backwards is "tnuc", which is hard to say. In those instances you just chuck a couple of extra vowels in, so tnuc becomes "tunnock". It's really easy once you get going, especially as you don't need to bother with reversing prepositions, pronouns or conjunctions. You pretty much just speak normal English until you get to the rude word in the sentence, and then you reverse that. Back Slang is useful for slagging customers off and for talking about the meat you're trying to flog them. You don't want them to know their sausages are dlo (dee-lo) or that they're a total dratsab, do you?

USEFUL BACK SLANG WORDS

Dab eno/Doog eno - Bad one/good one. Used all the time, to describe people, meat, whatevs.

Lahteeaich - Alright

Eefok - Coffee

Eefink - Knife

Senip - Penis

Whynaff - Fanny

Tunnock - Cunt

Krip - Prick

Teefos - Soft

Gaf - Fag

Evakh - Have

Dlos - Sold

Kool - Look

Eno - One

Owt - Two

Earth -Three

Net - Ten

Enob - Bone

Woc - Cow

Retchtub - Butcher

Sip - Piss

Say - Yes

Yob - Boy

Keenurd - Drunk

Whykess - Sexy

Dlo - Old

Dratsab - Bastard

Isn't it cool? Butchers are cool. With their own language and shit. Like an undiscovered Amazonian tribe, if they had The Sun in the Amazon.

I really miss being a butcher. I think shoving my hands inside dead animals and wrenching out their entrails whilst trying not to explode their poo everywhere might be my calling. I will need to practice on more animals before I know for sure, but, obviously, can't. Not until next Christmas, anyway.