Being a butcher in the summer is much better than being a butcher in the winter.

For starters, working in a large fridge becomes a huge bonus rather than a crushing, chilblain-causing penance. Secondly, I am better at being a butcher in the summer than I am in the winter because people want lamb chops (which are easy to cut), steaks (which are easy to cut) and bits of chicken (also easy to cut) rather than a whole fucking turkey with its insides neatly presented and hanging from a bag around its neck. Thirdly, the sort of questions people ask are questions I know the answer to or can at least look them in the eye and lie about knowing that I will not be solely responsible for destroying their entire Christmas dinner and potentially causing an irreprable rift within the family (as when a flustered middle-aged woman demands to know whether a 4kg capon will feed three adults, one young child and an elderly grandparent who doesn't each much but would be offended by an unreasonably small portion. And will it be enough for leftovers? Because I need leftovers. Well, do you think if I get a bigger one will it still fit in the aga? And how much longer will it take to cook? I still want it moist, of course. Why don't you know? Well can I speak to someone who does know, please? SORRY, MADAM,  BUT NOBODY KNOWS THE ANSWER. Except apparently all the other butchers. I don't know how but they do. They know the answer to that and to all other Christmas meat enquiries and I wish they didn't because it makes it really embarrassing that I have no idea. I didn't even know what a capon was for the first week. FYI it's just a big chicken. It used to refer only to a castrated rooster but now: big chicken). Anyway at summer it's like, "shall I get chicken wings, will chicken wings be nice on the barbecue?" and I'm all yes! yes they fucking will! of course they will. All barbecued meat is good! Throw more questions at me, sir! Yes you should get steak as well! Everyone will be delighted and your wife will love you more! She really will! How long should you cook sausages for? Why, UNTIL THEY'RE DONE MADAM! Next customer please!".

Furthermore, there are lots of scantily clad women wandering around which means that the male butchers can perve on them rather than on me. Thank you, scantily clad women of Oxford for taking that bullet for me. You and your nice summer clothes are making my working day 80% more enjoyable .